"It takes a village"

I have been thinking the last few days about the phrase "it takes a village" and how that meaning has changed over time. A friend of mine responded to an article about this whole 'knockout game' crap by saying, that it's what happens when parents stop parenting and instead rely on "the village". It occurred to me when I read her response how much we have changed as a society since that phrase came into fashion. 

"It takes a village" has become a cop out for lazy parents who expect their children's teachers and the media to be the ones that teach them right from wrong. Parents have relieved themselves of the responsibilities that come with raising children and instead blamed it on the society around them that is failing their kids. Violent video games, movies, TV, and the internet are the "village" their kids were given and it's not mom and dad's fault that little Billy is the type of teenager who would punch a total stranger in the head for fun. We have to reclaim this phrase because I truly believe that the message has been lost in translation. Parenting is a full-time and exhausting job. It's much harder, much more tiring and a million times more stressful than anyone could have expressed to me before I was a parent. It's also MUCH more rewarding and I have never been happier. But the village I envision is less about the child and more about a support system for the parents. You may have seen this article in the NY Daily News about a woman in New Zealand who left her infant in the car while she ran in for a few things from the store. She left a clear note with her number in case a passerby saw that the baby needed something. This was clearly a woman who needs a village. It seems like she thought this out fairly calmly, and came to the conclusion that it was ok. Obviously you should never ever leave your child unattended anywhere, LEAST of all in a car. But what pains me about this is that this mom should have had a support system in place to help her in those small ways that make all the difference- like watching her baby while she gets some groceries. It's easy to vilify her, but where were her friends and family?

I am incredibly lucky that I have both of my parents and both my husband's parents nearby. Two of those four grandparents are retired, one is semi-retired and only my mom is working full-time still. This means that I have a lot of highly qualified babysitters in my arsenal who are ready and willing to help out. I think they are the reason that I survived those first few months. When you are holding on by a thread, someone watching the baby while you shower or doing your dishes can make all the difference in your sanity. They were, and are, my village. We need to empower other moms and dads. If you have  a friend or neighbor who is struggling ask what you can do to help them to be the best parent they can be. Sometimes that means helping them have alone time. Sometimes that means making dinner, or emptying the dishwasher, or picking one of their kids up at school. Sometimes just offering helps. Let's be 'the village' for the parents we know, so that they can be empowered to raise the adults we would want as our neighbors.